|*Post may not be related to Trainspotting|
If all of my post titles are short and have an exclamation mark, maybe more people will love me!
Today I wanted to post on a topic (which you will find out if you read again in like a week, ooh now I have you coming back for more), but realised that if I were to talk about that then I should first give my opinions on life. Life is something I'd wanted to post about anyway, it just wasn't directly on my mind...
|Google is bad for inquisitive faces|
"But what about life?" I hear your inquisitive voices cry, and I'm afraid I must answer in a pretty predictable manner; the meaning of it. If any of you have any ideas as to what the meaning of your life is that differ from mine, or you just want to massage my ego and agree with me, comment; I always like to hear other people's opinions, providing they're open to discussing them (as many people seem to be on this topic; they've decided on an answer and now fear change).
To me, there is only one meaning to life, and it is disappointingly simple; happiness. Everything we do in life we do for our own happiness. Everything that everybody does they do for themselves, generosity doesn't exist, it's just that some people are made happy by making other people happy. Now, I am by no means saying that this "generosity" isn't a good thing, heck it gives purpose to more people's lives! But this does not mean that people who are generous should be hero worshiped. Now, it may be the case that they are only generous in order to gain social recognition as being generous; something looked highly upon by society. Because of this I guess it would be necessary to keep them feeling they are being recognised in order to keep them generous, but take it easy; them getting their kicks from a different place doesn't make them any better than anybody else!
|You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake|
For a while I wasn't satisfied with this purpose; I wasn't happy that my life only had purpose because it existed. By this I mean that if my purpose is to make myself happy, if I do not exist, I cannot be happy, so I have no purpose. Hmm a bit of a hard one to word there, but darn it it makes sense to me! However after much deliberation I came to a conclusion; as long as I am happy, in my eyes my purpose is being satisfied, and so there is a reason for me to live... This of course came along with a less positive conclusion, which is that if I were unhappy, I mean really long term unhappy with my life, I would end it. Though, as we only exist for our own purpose, does it matter if we all die?
All of this thought about life and death caused me to wonder what could make me kill myself, as well as how I would do it if I were to (which I eventually decided to leave until a time when it was actually relevant, if it were ever relevant). Now, I don't know what will happen in the future, and any number of things can cause a person to become depressed enough to contemplate suicide. I came to a solution that I felt at the time made me feel a lot more comfortable with the fact that I would be unlikely to ever commit suicide (I don't like the thought of killing myself; it leaves too much emotional mess which I wouldn't like to burden people with).
|Patrick Star; what a boss|
This solution of mine was to come up with a mental list of things which I would do if ever I felt I were beginning to contemplate suicide. I thought it was good fun to make personally, it made me really think about what I think I could change about my life to make it better; it was interesting... So here's a few things from my list, in the order in which I would do them, on the most part ordered by how big a difference I feel they would make (positive or negative): quit my job, spend more time socialising and a lot less on the internet, change my style (conform more!), come out to my parents (bisexual by the way), tell my parents of my occasional drug use, drop out, ask for help (from professionals, family or friends).
This is of course not a comprehensive list; there's all sorts of things I could to to change my life! Aside from this list I would also like to write an epic suicide note; it would be a fucking novel! I would have to be able to say everything I wanted to say to everybody who had had any influence on my life, which could grow pretty rapidly...
Note: I am not suicidal! I just figure that one day I could be, and feel better for knowing what I would do if I were.
And so ends my depressing post. I leave you all with an epic song!